I was scanning over past articles on the blog and came across the most recent one featuring the dreaded “B” word. You know the word, the one that every sister, friend, cousin, confidant, bridal coordinator, florist, caterer, husband, and mother-in-law quake in fear of.

BRIDEZILLA.

I now for me, the word conjures up the image of a frothing bride, stomping like the world’s tallest 2 year old down the aisle. Hair askew, mascara running, tossing chairs and party goers alike out of her way.  And why is she acting this way? Most likely over some tiny, insignificant detail of the wedding that in her mind, has gone horribly, horribly wrong.  Did I mention there was fire too?  Mostly from the mouth and nose.

The ironic part is, the most glorious, happiest, perfect day, the one they have been waiting for their entire life, pinning all their hopes and dreams on, never to be repeated again was ruined by whom of all people?

Themselves.

That article was all about continuing your friendship with the beast, I mean bride, after the tent has been put away and lights have gone out and the guests have gone home. Should you forgive them and continue on? Or should you forgive them and leave them behind? I too think that planning a wedding is not a good excuse for behaving poorly. But how does one keep from becoming the “B” word to begin with?

I was reminded about being a bride myself. From the moment I said yes, not only did I commit myself to my future husband but, I also consciously committed myself to doing everything possible to make sure I did not become my worst fear, a BRIDEZILLA.

Did I almost become one? Sure, I had my moments. Getting married is far from an easy task, even if you find yourself to be a laid back kind of person. I know I was a do-it-yourselfer. Priding myself on simplicity, something my mother confuses with cheapness. Ok, so I am cheap, I prefer resourceful. But that is beside the point.

Doing the work yourself can be just as complicated and frustrating as paying someone else to do it for you. No matter if your wedding is extravagant and expensive or simple and small, the key to having the best day ever, which includes arriving at the wedding with all your friendships and sanity intact, is to keep reminding yourself of one thing.

What really matters,

For me, that thing was what we were really celebrating. My commitment to the person I love above all else in front of the people we love the most. Luckily for us, we had a constant reminder of what is really important. Friends of ours lived through one of the most devastating events a family could ever face. For those of you living on the seacoast of New Hampshire, you are probably familiar with their story. Their little girl Molly was 5 years old when she was diagnosed with cancer in February 2009. By July she was gone.

Devastating? Yes. We all were rocked by the news that she had passed. But the extraordinary thing was the gift she gave to an entire community who continues to celebrate her life each and every day. That little girl taught a whole lot of people about what really matters, and by doing so helped a community and her own family to live on.

Every time we would argue or get upset at each other or anyone in our life during the planning of our wedding, we would stop, look at one another, think of the bigger picture, and bust out laughing. Every moment with the ones you love is precious. We knew how ridiculous and selfish it was to get angry about a day that is supposed to be filled with joy.

Molly was 5 ywith cancer in February 2009,

So my advice to you, one bride to another is: don’t sweat the small stuff. Just take a deep breath, smile and continue on. This goes for the day of the wedding and all the days leading up. Your hair not being perfect doesn’t really matter. I know that it feels like it does, but is it really doesn’t (that’s what Photo Shop is for anyways). What color blue you choose doesn’t matter either, even though there are 100 different shades of blue (literally 100. I know, right… it’s crazy), but it still doesn’t really matter. No matter what color blue or gray or white, yes there is more than one shade of that color too, your wedding will be beautiful and so will you.

And upset you will get, and frustrated too. And when that happens and it will, it doesn’t make you a bridezilla. It makes you human. It is how you continue on after that moment that defines you and will make or break you and your wedding. I said I’m sorry a lot. It always helped.

Looking back, lots of things went wrong, and in hindsight we would have done some things differently, but no one noticed and really, neither did we. We were too busy having fun, laughing, dancing and enjoying the few hours that the day boils down to. Be present, stop and look around because in the blink of an eye, the wedding and all the planning that made the day possible has come and gone. The last thing that you want to be doing the day after, is realizing how silly it was for you to be upset over something so small that it ruined your wedding day or even worse, a great friendship.

That’s what really matters.