Eeps! This bride and groom need to decide where to get married before they can start planning—but they can’t agree on a place! Writes Save... Read More
Writes Save the Date reader Talia:
I grew up in beach town in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, and always dreamed of getting married there on a warm summer day. I moved to New York City after school and met my fiancé here. I’ve lived in New York for almost a decade, but now that I’m engaged, Cape Cod is still my dream wedding destination.
My fiancé, however, doesn’t like the idea at all. He grew up in New York, an hour north of the city. Since most of our guests (his family, our colleagues, and many of our friends) live here, he thinks we should get married here.
I can’t make the argument that I don’t want my family to have to travel, because if we do things my way, his family will have to travel.
I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around a big city wedding. I was picturing something simple and laid-back and casual and beach-themed, but that would just feel weird in the middle of New York City.
I love my fiance and I’m super-excited to marry him, but planning the wedding already feels like a burden, and we haven’t actually done anything yet!
Should I suck it up and start planning a big, glitzy wedding? Should I beg him to do it on the Cape? Or is there a happy medium?
Here are my thoughts:
Well, the wedding is traditionally held in the bride’s hometown, so tradition is on your side.
However, that rule stems from when the bride’s parents were paying for everything. Since they were “hosting” the wedding, they got to pick the location.
If your parents are paying for everything, I say it’s up to them. But these days it’s usually some combination of the bride’s parents, the groom’s parents, and the bride and groom chipping in. If you can’t play the “My Parents Are Paying” card, I think it’s time to consider an alternative.
That said, I don’t think you have to plan a wedding that totally clashes with your dream wedding vision.
You might not be able to do laid-back and beachy within city limits, but there are lots of venues that will give you a Cape Cod-y vibe nearby.
My friends Hollie and Will did the “beach wedding” thing about two hours outside of the city. See their wedding pictures here.
You could also try to find a venue halfway between NYC and the Cape. I think that counts as “meeting him halfway” both figuratively and literally. If you’re willing to give in a little, hopefully your fiancé will be, too!
One last thing to consider: Planning an NYC wedding is going to be expensive with a capital E. Maybe you should play along with your fiancé’s big city wedding dreams for a while, and then point out how much cheaper things would be if the wedding were a few hours away.
Ladies, what do you think? Should Talia get to host her wedding on the Cape? Or should she plan NYC wedding that would be easier for most of her guests?